i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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