You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
