You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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