oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
