I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
