Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize