I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We are two peas in an std pod
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
