I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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