He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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