redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
