Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
