i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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