Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
