you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize