you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
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He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize