I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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