fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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