Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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