the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
