The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
