I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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