I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The power of my boobs compel you
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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