Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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