i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
