I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize