What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
