I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize