you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
