Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
