I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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