I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My hand turned me down
I checked into jail on foursquare
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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