I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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