Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
