I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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