i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
