Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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