are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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