i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Farmville is her only friend.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
