when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
