is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
