Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Randomize
