stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
