I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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