Three words: puerto rican gang bang
and she was petting her beer can
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
