omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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