Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
