First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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