The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
