I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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