i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
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Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
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Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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