he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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