dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
FUCK WHALES
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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