we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
