sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
