i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
