I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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