just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
