You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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