If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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