can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
