You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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