His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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