Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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