Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Found the puke drawer
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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