we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
