she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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