Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
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She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
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Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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