that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
