remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
