If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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